Tuesday, November 10, 2009
You do know how I always maintain that it is impossible to explain exactly why we love somebody or what it is about a person that makes us love him or her. And perhaps, that question need not arise in the first place. We are in love, and that is that. No questions asked, no answers need to be thought about.
Each day I find a new reason to fall in love with you all over again, and feel the flutter surge through my heart like a fresh new wave, wilder than the previous one. And it surprises me, how even after all these years, there are still so many things we are yet to discover and explore in each other. As though I wake up in the morning and see you in a whole new light and find you just the same yet a little different. The way the locks of your hair are tousled carelessly on your head, the childlike innocence of your sleeping face, the way you curve into yourself under the sheets for warmth - I have seen it all before, and every time it's like peering through a kaleidoscope, never knowing what new patterns and images would emerge with every turn. This somehow reminds me of how I look at the mountains and birds and trees and can never tire of admiring them because each time you behold them you see new things, you feel new emotions - all unchanged yet different.
And I think I have become lazy now! :) More so than ever before. The entire state of being in love with you - this is the closest I have come to the truth. I suppose there are more progressive stages - from 'being in love with someone' to 'being in love' to simply 'being'. But I am happy now, in this kind of a contented existence. I seek no material comforts. No discomfort is too harsh to bear. Oh yes, we do allow ourselves to be distracted once in a while to make an effort for our basic means of survival. But other than that, I think we have transcended this silly material world. And for all that, I am entirely at peace with myself, all because of your love.
Your Moonstruck Girl.
There are some things I'd rather not tell you. Not that these are things you don't know. We both know what we share with each other. There's nothing to hide anymore.
But there are times when my heart feels so full of love for you, and it is so difficult to contain the intensity of that feeling, that it threatens to explode into a million fragments if not allowed to express itself. (And we both know that's a very hollow threat indeed!) Of course, I could always walk up to you and lay bare my ordeal, and we would sure as hell find a humorous perspective to the whole thing, laugh it off, and make it a whole lot easier to deal with.
But when you are not around, the dormant feeling slyly comes back to life and goes messing about with me. This blog exists for times like these - when I can no longer bear to be alone with myself, without you near me.
I can imagine you now, busy someplace, wanting to take a break, looking up this blog, going through these lines, hearing my voice in your head whispering these random ramblings to you. How would you react, I wonder? :)
But I promise you - some day, I'll spill the beans, and we'll go through all my letters to you, and maybe we'll laugh and cry all at the same time and feel deliriously happy in each others' arms.
Your Moonstruck Girl.